I know this is what you’ve been waiting for – me spilling all that relationship tea.

Last year I stayed single, which I imagine raised both my family’s concern and blood pressure. By some people’s standards I’m running out of time to settle down, being 29 and single. It doesn’t matter how established I want to be career wise, what my aspirations and purpose are in life, for some, the most important thing I can achieve, is getting a ring on my finger and a man by my side.

I hate this mentality with a vengeance. So I kind of enjoy seeing those panicked expressions on my family’s faces whenever I tell them it’s not a priority for me.

If I’m being real, relationships take work and I just didn’t have the time last year. It may seem like a lazy answer to people but when you have a 9 – 5, two passion projects on the go, the urge to constantly travel and friends you want to spend time with, the last thing you want to do is add another layer to your life.

At this point too I think it pays to be picky. As cheesy as it sounds, you don’t want to be spending time with someone who doesn’t ignite some kind of fire in you or triggers a spark. Try explaining that to the older folk though. It’s usually met with these kind of responses:

“But don’t you feel lonely?”

Actually no. In fact sometimes I purposely say I’m busy when I’m not, just to get some quiet time. I love my own company just as much as I love spending time with people.

“You can get to know this guy as a friend first, there’s no pressure.”

  1. I have enough friends.
  2. There is totally pressure.

The most important relationship of them all

Even though I didn’t gain a boyfriend or embark on a budding romance, the biggest relationship accomplishment was building a better one with myself. It sounds so cliche but I never actually understood what it meant to “work on yourself” and this whole idea of self-love that’s come about. I wouldn’t say I’m a pro at this just yet, but doing little things like listening to my gut and making decisions that make me happy all leads to a better sense of self.

The idea of being in a relationship may seem idyllic but there isn’t any point unless you’re in a good place. It can take people any amount of time – for me it took 2017.

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