This last week people have been condemning the ongoing fight between Israel and Gaza in what has been another bloody battle. Over 180 Palestinian civilians have died at the hands of “targeted” air strikes by Israeli forces who say that they’re “trying to stop attacks by Hamas.”

The fact that over 70% of these Palestinian victims are civilians raises serious questions as to whether or not, Israel are trying to defeat Hamas, or whether they’re in fact committing modern-day genocide and ethnic cleansing by targeting buildings such as a home for the disabled, hospitals and yesterday, four children. Social media is plagued with Israeli’s attempting to portray a war torn country, but upon seeing reports of Israeli’s dragging chairs and popcorn to hilltops to watch bombs land in Gaza, you start to see just how little of a victim the country actually is.

There is one huge point that needs to be made though. Amongst all of this, we shouldn’t condemn all Israelis and people of Jewish descent for the monstrosity that’s going on. There are some Israeli’s who are actually pro-Palestine and who do not agree with Israel’s actions nor their government’s attitude. Likewise, there are others who simply want peace in the region – something all of us hope for one day.

The kidnapping of those three Israeli teenagers, everyone will agree, was terrible. But the kidnap and subsequent revenge murder of Palestinian teen Mohammed Abu Khdeir, just goes to show how petty this tit for tat game has become. Rather than take a peaceful, pragmatic approach that would probably win more respect, this abrupt and vengeful attitude has triggered shock and anger amongst communities around the world.

On top of this, no western government has offered to step in to stop this mass murder, which only further proves that neither the UK or US truly care about Palestinians who are being driven out of the only homes they know.

For the UK and US, I suppose if a country doesn’t offer natural resources that they can in turn exploit, you should expect them to turn a swift blind eye. Even with blatant genocide gripping Palestinians, the only country attempting to offer a ceasefire, was Egypt.

People who usually don’t think twice about making statements are too scared about being politically incorrect and have been tweeting support for Palestine and Israel, asking for both to be free from occupation – which, would be correct if Israel was being occupied in the first place. Piers Morgan and Rihanna have shown support to both sides, but something tells me this isn’t their choice. You only have to look at Rihanna’s previous tweet with the hashtag #FreePalestine, which was subsequently deleted.

The way in which the media have reported on this event should also be called into question. Why is Israel not being held accountable for committing war crimes, ethnic cleansing and even genocide? Coverage has been in many people’s opinions, one sided, but with the power of social media, support for Palestine is growing and is rife. Protests are cropping up around the world and eventually, media organisations who are ironically run by executives who are pro-Israel, will have to sit up and take notice. You only have to look at the difference in death tolls to realise that the coverage we’ve been fed is well and truly biased.

What has surprised me the most is the way pro-Israeli’s online are so eager to lament you a terrorist for sticking up for Palestinians and for speaking against the actions Israeli forces have taken. It’s not okay for me to support children who are losing parents and siblings, but it’s okay to support the other side who are intent on wiping out an entire population in order to occupy land that doesn’t belong to them… SURE.

I, like many others, care about the civilians that are being targeted. The fact that roughly 200 people have been killed as well as four children yesterday, makes it all the more obvious that the Israeli government are determined to cull a population for their own personal gain. Of course, their funds largely comes from the US, which would easily explain their support for Israel.

It’s only right that Palestinians have the freedom they deserve. How dare they be made refugees from the land that was originally their home. Israel have done lifelong damage to children unable to sleep at night and who wake up with nightmares. They’re the reason why parents are having to bury their children and why some children are left as orphans at a shockingly young age. For those condemning Hamas, wouldn’t you want to protect your home if it was stormed by strangers declaring it now belonged to them? Of course you would!

If supporting these vulnerable children and civilians makes me a “terrorist appeaser” (in the words of some pro-Israel tweeters) then fine. I’ll take that. So will the million others around the world.

I had no idea what to expect when I nestled in to watch Channel 5’s ‘big British Immigration Row’, a live debate surrounding an issue that isn’t very prominent within Asian or West Indian communities.

With a panel consisting of Vanessa Feltz, Nancy Dell’olio, Katie Hopkins (you see where this is going) it was indeed, a row. Any concept of a debate was thrown out of the window minutes into the program, and there I sat, flabbergasted and pretty disheartened at the whole thing.

When you have a show that touches on a subject that is serious, sensitive and can potentially deviate on to other issues such as race and class, it helps to have presenters/mediators that are in control, balanced and gives everyone enough time to put their views across – no matter how uncomfortable they may be. Nick Ferrari and Anne Diamond were frankly the weakest hosts I have ever seen in any debate. Unable to reel in shouting banshees (more specifically Katie Hopkins) it felt as though they were strategically riling up people, only to cut them short when giving them the opportunity to explain their point of view.

There is much to be said about the content and comments made throughout this program. First of all, why on earth do we have Z-listers discussing a topic that should be reserved for our government? Along with members from the media and figures within society who have something worthy to contribute, how about throwing in a few NGOs and governing bodies who work day in, day out to improve our immigration regulations.

Secondly, immigration isn’t about race, class or religious prejudice. It’s political. When Labour decided to open our jobs market to the EU, they encouraged migrants to come to the UK. We were told tens of thousands would arrive. The final tally ran into the millions. Are those migrants to blame for this? Or should we be looking at our government and their lack of control, organisation and monitoring?

The issue of people abusing our benefits system is very real and it doesn’t surprise me that this is happening. No, people shouldn’t be taking advantage like that but again, why blame them when there are massive discrepancies in the way the whole thing is managed? Our government can’t even give us an exact number of immigrants who have come over. But instead of stepping back and looking at immigration in practical terms, we fall into a territory that drags in race, class (apparently Hopkins believes only ‘Tier 1″ individuals should be let in to the UK) and religion – when did Islam start factoring into the issue of immigration?

At no point did anyone address the fact that British citizens are leaving for other countries such as Spain, Australia and America and how on earth we would feel to hear the same things being said about us? “They’re coming here and taking our jobs. We only want ‘Tier 1’ individuals in our country.” Doesn’t feel so nice now, does it?

Rather than it being a debate where sensible solutions would arise, it was in fact a ploy, in my opinion, to get ratings by waging a shouting war amongst the panelists and audience. Great way to exploit a serious issue.

The media of course, doesn’t help with immigration much. Provoking headlines, biased reporting and generally no desire to educate people is the reason why there is an injected fear and a growing hatred towards immigrants. But as long as we all stay quiet and refuse to challenge what we’re being fed, we won’t be better off and those attitudes will continue to grow.

One of the reasons why I love London is because it is a melting pot of cultures and diversity. Multiculturalism has done a lot of good for the UK and still can do if a practical solution is implemented where immigration is concerned. Not only would it encourage positive and forward-thinking conversations, but it would also allow some of those “celebs” to go back to the one thing they all find far more important than immigration.

Themselves.

Prepare yourselves for flowers galore, heart shaped balloons and declarations of love on social media – yep, it’s Valentines Day.

My very first Valentines Day caught me off guard to say the least. Two years ago the former boyfriend decided to surprise me three times throughout the day. With militant planning and exceptional timing, I was speechless and relished the fact that he cared that much to put so much thought into something I had never experienced. Now, I kind of wish he didn’t do that.

While the experience was sweet and memorable, it had essentially made me dependent on a man to make me feel special and euphoric. Even though I was more concerned about spending time with him rather than being lavished with gifts, why couldn’t I just treasure the time we normally spent together? I was capable of this the other 364 days, so why did I need to conform to this fictitious holiday that boils down to damn good marketing?

I understand loving the notion of love, but my problem with Valentines Day is making it seem as though this is the one day where your declaration of love means the most. As far as I’m concerned guys should be appreciated often and girls should be treated like queens always. Shouldn’t we be encouraging this every single day as oppose to once a year?

Rather than receive flowers because “it’s Valentines Day”, wouldn’t you rather share a love that’s full of respect, trust, fun and spontaneity? After learning that I adored sunflowers, I received a bouquet on a random summers day. Why? Because the former bf knew that it was something I loved and appreciated the beauty of.

To this day, I adore those sunflowers more because the reason behind them was more personal to us. It wasn’t because we were conforming to February 14th. (Don’t worry, the adoration firmly stops at the sunflowers.) After being both in and outside of that bubble, it’s so true when people say that you should show your love for each other all year round instead of just one day throughout the entire year.

This year, I’m redefining what Valentines Day means for myself and spending it the way I want to. Who says you need to buy cards, flowers and chocolates, dined at a restaurant and be told “I love you” a million ways in 24 hours? For girls everywhere, don’t exchange your heart for the superficial things. Give your time and effort to people and to a man who appreciates you everyday.

Today I refuse to be handcuffed physically and mentally to what society dictates, so you won’t be seeing me squeezed in and amongst other couples at a swanky restaurant, carrying roses and dressed in red. That doesn’t mean that I’m not looking forward to the day ahead though. 

Pizza, long talks, plenty of laughs and not one expectation in sight – with my girlfriends of course. If Valentines Day is all about love, then I’ve struck gold this year.

The issue of gender equality and female empowerment seems to be following me this week in several forms. Unable to ignore it, I’ve realised that we in fact have a very long way to go and despite being in 2014, there are still archaic notions behind gender equality which should have died a long time ago.

My first brush came over the weekend with this powerful but succinct ad on YouTube that caught my eye and started this train of thought. Pantene in the Philippines touched on the issue of gender inequality at work in a 60 second ad, which showed the different labels society places on men and women in equal positions. A man standing at a podium, giving a speech is deemed persuasive, yet a woman doing the same thing is seen as pushy. A man with parental responsibilities staying up late to work is “dedicated” whereas a mother doing the same is “selfish”. See the ad below if you haven’t got my drift yet.

Initially aired only twice in the Philippines, Sheryl Sandberg endorsed the ad on her Facebook page and as a result, it is now being shown in the UK and US with the hashtag #ShineStrong being used to promote it on social networks. Sandberg said: “This is one of the most powerful videos I have ever seen illustrating how when women and men do the same things, they are seen in completely different ways. Really worth watching. Lean In prize of the day for sure!”

The 2013 Global Gender Gap Report ranks the Philippines number 5 for gender equality. But a survey by the social news network, Rappler, revealed that gender bias is still very much prevalent. Looking further into the report, the Philippines ranks number 2 out of 136 for wage equality, whilst the UK is shockingly placed as 49th and the US further down the list in 67th place.

Since going viral the video has had over 40 million views in the two months it has been online. A strong message, illustrated eloquently if you ask me.

To add to this, Stylist Magazine also featured their ‘Feminist Manifesto’ in this week’s issue encouraging readers to make an internal pledge to stand up for their fellow females, support equality and use their voices to prevent atrocious acts that females can be subjected to. Though I wouldn’t necessarily class myself as a feminist, I do strongly believe in supporting equality and lending a voice to ensure that women are presented with the same opportunities and the same rewards that men enjoy. The fact that labels and limitations still exist for women is ridiculous to me.

In fact, there are plenty of things that exist in society today that really grinds my gears, but something like inequality has no place in 2014.

Some women push against these limitations, getting what they want (and what they rightfully deserve) but are villainised in the process. This has to stop. Whether it’s by men who are threatened by a female’s dominance or by women who don’t feel they have it in them to be that bold, rather than put down an individual who has the guts to stand up for what they believe in, we should all be looking to them as an example.

Whilst Dove is the only other beauty brand I know that openly runs campaigns to support women when it comes to self confidence and image issues, Pantene has delved much deeper. So, where do we go from here? How do we actually make a change?

I’ve decided to sign and use the Stylist Manifesto! Condemn any form of abuse and/or violence towards women. Speak up when you witness an injustice. Teach the younger generation of females to be proud of being female. All too often we’re busy declaring we’re proud of our ethnic backgrounds and nationalities that we forget to celebrate our gender. Look at all the things females can do and have achieved. Why are we not relishing in this more?

Supporting causes pertaining to women and speaking up may not make a change overnight and suddenly conjure up equality within the work place, but acknowledging there is a problem and you’re educated on it is a solid start. The subject has been on a slow burner for years, simmering away. Don’t you think it’s time to pour some fuel on that fire, because I certainly do.

Girls have heard about the perils of falling for a bad boy a thousand times and are usually berated for overlooking the “good guys.”

Unbeknownst to them, there are plenty of different characters that fall under that “good guy” stereotype – one of which is the mama’s boy. For me, humorous imagery of Terrence Jenkins comes to mind in his role as Michael in Think Like A Man. However on the other side of the spectrum there are more extreme portrayals such as in Hitchcock’s Psycho, where the troubled Norman Bates suffers from Multiple Personality Disorder, and takes on the identity of his deceased mother.

Whilst the chances of girls coming across a modern day Norman Bates are extremely slim, it is worth noting that succumbing to a Mama’s Boy could be leading you into the dragon’s den where some deep rooted behavioural issues are buried. Throw in the cultural norms and demands that you find in any Asian community and you may just have a recipe for disaster.

When typically researched, there are clear pros and cons of dating or marrying a Mama’s Boy. A commonly assumed pro of being with a Mama’s Boy is the fact that you’re with a man who knows how to respect women on account of how he treats his own mother. This isn’t always the case. Respect towards his mother doesn’t equal respect towards a girlfriend or wife.

Author Dr. William July explains that: ““Mama’s boys tend to marginalize relationships with women.

“They’re selfish with other women because they know they can get love and attention from mama.”

All too often you hear about men who have seemingly good relationships with their mothers and have the audacity to treat women like objects. So why is there such a difference in behaviour?

From a religious stand point, mothers have always been held in high esteem – and so they should be. Christianity teaches that mothers should be honoured every day. In Islam, there is the well known Hadith that states that Paradise lies at the feet of our mothers, whilst even Hinduism notes the necessity of a mother’s blessing in all walks of life. Society in general stresses the importance of listening to one’s parents whilst growing up.

But the lack of emphasis on the treatment of women coupled with the way boys see older male figures treating and talking about women deeply shapes their outlook and perception of them, which can then manifest into destructive behaviour.

July explains that other women aren’t going to be as important, adding, “These guys won’t stand up to mama when they love a woman mama doesn’t approve of.” Instead, men – Asian men in particular – will fall horribly at this obstacle and end up getting involved with someone fully vetoed and approved by their mother. The sad reality being that this female figure who receives an abundance of respect, doesn’t trust his choice and decisions. As a result, the next 40-50 years of his life has been decided for him.

Writer, Stephen Arterburn, notes, “The mama’s boy is different from other people. He is too enmeshed with mama and needs to develop his own identity. He is really a scared unhappy little boy who only wants mama to love him. The clinical term for mama’s boy is Passive-Aggressive Personality, which is the same as passive-dependent. He is overly dependent on his overly controlling mother.”

Where does this sense of control stem from? I’m not an expert but from the various conversations and hand picked life experiences, I reckon I’ve sussed Asian mothers out.

In their youth, they too believed they would be entering a marriage full of love, equality and mutual respect. Horribly wrong, these women didn’t anticipate the strong presence their mother in laws would have in their lives. With their husbands unlikely to stand strong with them, the only way that these women could feel empowered and essentially valued was by exerting authority over their own children. To further cement this dynamic, particularly with sons, the decision to pick wives who are more subservient works in their favour.

As a result the cycle continues, which is sad in my opinion because as each generation produces the same mindset, respect for women outside of the home weakens even more.

Mama’s Boys, especially Asian ones, aren’t equipped to handle strong, opinionated women who have a sense of who they are. He’s yet to find himself and carve out his own identity and often mistakes this for the identity his mother expects of him. Harsh – but true.

Don’t get me wrong. A man who respects his mother is so admirable to me. A man who allows his mother to influence big decisions that he should be capable of making triggers alarm bells. It’s so important to evaluate how much of a Mama’s Boy a guy is. It could be the difference between a blissful partnership or a lonely existence where you always rank at number 2.

And I thought bad boys were a handful.

For the longest time I’ve been a fan of chic lit fiction that transported me to destinations I could only dream of. The glitz, the glamour and the constant adrenaline would always have me on tenterhooks. This time, I wanted to steer my literary interests in a different direction. I wanted a book that would hold a lot of sentiment with me beyond the last page.

In the Land of Invisible Women by Qanta Ahmed was a spur of the moment purchase that frankly exceeded all of my expectations.

Ahmed, a British born Muslim, who studied in both the UK and America and works as a doctor in four disciplines, recounts her experience working in Saudi Arabia and sheds light on a country that holds a lot of mystery and intrigue.

In the Land of Invisible Women also explores various aspects of life within Saudi Arabia such as love, loss, cultural identity and the role faith plays in day to day life. From shopping for abbayahs, to the torment of the Mutawaeen, Ahmed’s experience allows us a unique insight into a land where change is apparent. You quickly realise that the rigid gender roles that have been established for years are starting to shift. Whilst the dominant nature of the Saudi man is called into question, women are becoming far more ambitious, pushing forward in their quest to make a better life for themselves and their country.

Ahmed’s time at the King Fahad National Guard Hospital undoubtedly reveals both the good and dark side of Saudi Arabia, but it’s her visit to Mecca to perform Hajj that is by far and large the most poignant part of the entire book. A combination of her raw emotion, her stunning recollection and the overall purpose and meaning of Hajj was all it took for me to reach for my tissues.

It’s not very often you get a book that really immerses you into a world far removed from your own, however Ahmed’s detailed descriptions perfectly places you within the heart of Saudi and amongst its people.

A beautifully written account of her time in the Kingdom, In the Land of Invisible Women is on the contrary, full of colourful and unforgettable individuals who not only reflect the traditional essence of Saudi Arabia, but also the desire to drive change and progress.

Like all break-ups, divorce can be an equally, if not more upsetting and emotionally draining process. Once completed, former couples are free to continue life as they please with some choosing to remarry and begin a new family.

However if you hone in on the Asian community and look past all the smiles, tradition and culture, you will find a plethora of stigmas and attitudes attached to those who divorce, making the process a daunting and isolating one.

An increasing number of Asian women are having to bear the brunt of this backlash as divorce rates within the Asian community grows, despite the overall percentage of divorces in the UK decreasing.

The National Office of Statistics says that “based on marriage, divorce and mortality statistics for 2010, it is estimated that the percentage of marriages ending in divorce is 42%, compared with 45% in 2005.”

Priya Chandra who writes for DESIblitz said:

British Asian marriages are collapsing at an alarming rate. Many within the first year of marriage and often include couples that have dated for a long period prior to marriage too.  Reasons for marriage break-up includes boredom, lack of interest in a partner, in-law pressures, intolerance of each other, money and work pressures, arranged marriages and extra-marital affairs.”

Whether or not couples are prepared for what married life has to offer, divorcing doesn’t only mean a split between yourself and your spouse. It also sets the wheels in motion for a very different dynamic between yourself and your community.

The stigmas that currently exist amongst Asians frankly disgusts me, as most of the disdain and pity are aimed solely at women.

Writer, Ayesha Khan, describes the plight divorced Asian women face.

From the pity and even scorn of relatives and the sympathies towards parents, the Asian woman is treated as shop soiled, and a failure. Her inability to hang onto her man is derided and seen as a weakness or an illness.

But that’s not the shocking part of it all. Divorce is a social issue that threatens a family’s reputation in the eyes of their community. In order to protect this, parents and in-laws insist on their children remaining in unhappy and hopeless marriages for the sake of showing their faces in public.

Why should women stay in marriages that no longer satisfies them, but pleases a community who are willing to turn their backs the very second a split takes place?

These mindsets create the belief that a divorced woman has no future in terms of remarriage and finding someone who looks beyond their marital status. It is this kind of thinking that stops them from seeking a way out from a life of misery, and even drives them to suicide.

The stigma attached to such women is shocking; suddenly the woman should give up all future thoughts of marriage and survive ‘just for the children’. The few Asian men who do look at that woman do so with an air of pity, and make the woman feel she should be grateful for a man taking her and her burdens on.

However, an evolution is slowly simmering where women are concerned. Once expected to raise the children, maintain the family home and abide by their in-laws, women are now pursuing higher education and careers that make them independent, ambitious and open to opportunities outside of their community.

It is also giving them the strength to walk away from relationships and marriages that are humiliating, and unfulfilling. Being ostracised doesn’t even factor into the equation where their happiness is concerned. And it shouldn’t.

A lot has to be said for these women. Their bravery in the face of adversity should be an example for others. I’m not saying divorce is a wonderful thing, but it is a right given to us both legally and religiously. More often than not, culture is the culprit that prevents a fulfilling and happy life.

The marriage landscape is definitely changing with women taking a stand against chauvinistic, unfaithful and abusive men. Only now are women seeing that they live in a modern society where there are organisations and services that can support and help them bounce back after a divorce. And only now do they see the harmony they can finally achieve by grabbing these opportunities.

So rather than pity the woman who divorces and escapes a life of misery and degradation, feel sorry for the woman who conforms to these mindsets and chooses to stay, never fully tasting the fruits life has to offer.

Growing up, I’m sure we all have experienced tough love at some point. Whether it’s obvious or not, when applied correctly to a child, discipline is instilled and lessons are learnt. But as we enter adulthood, the idea of discipline and enforcing tough love into our relationships seems pointless and at times, condescending.

If we use this method to help our children, younger siblings and family members, why shouldn’t we apply this tool when it comes to our relationships, which at times, are in dire need of some tough loving?

It could be bad social behaviour, a lack of respect or a tendency to lie, but often we find it too difficult to tell those we love hard truths. It’s true that love can easily blind us to our other half’s flaws, but in some cases others may feel that doing this will push their husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend further away and ignite an unneeded fight. So instead, we succumb to soft-touch love – the complete opposite of tough love.

Eleanor Bailey wrote:

It’s easy to get entrenched in soft-touch love. After all, at the beginning of a relationship, the fact that your partner behaves like a spoilt three-year-old is overshadowed by the good stuff that you fell in love with.

Culturally speaking there is a hierarchy in terms of gender when it comes to Asian families with men sitting proudly at the top. Women who are still expected to maintain some traditional values are still strongly seen as the homemaker. To pull your husband down a peg or two in some families would be completely unacceptable and would go against the role in which you are expected to adhere to.

By ignoring bad behaviour and not properly snipping it in the bud, not only are you validating it, the impression you’re giving suggests that you’re willing to condone it should it occur again.

So how do you enforce tough love measures? For starters, don’t fall for the victim story. A sob story is a manipulative way of trying to get negative attention. Instead, establishing healthy boundaries can begin to help an individual.

With tough love, there is always a lesson that will be learned, and unfortunately it is learned the hard way… The dependent one is shown that he needs to take charge of his own life. Tough love can be “sink or swim” and a heart-wrenching situation to endure.

The problem is, we tend to resort to this action when it’s too late. When we have endured enough heartache or when a relationship has ended.

Exerting harsh actions can actually help individuals. Having revealed the true extent of someone’s lies and secrets to their loved ones and stepping away, I was ultimately deemed vengeful by that person and I expected that.

But if it puts them in the perfect position to change, then I reckon those bold actions show more strength and love than any domestic goddess who’s happy to condone such destructive behaviour.

When you think of the ideal man, you may envision someone who is respectful, honest, ambitious, family focused and dare I say it, romantic.

Magazines constantly stress that men who possess these traits are likely to be your soul mates and should be held on to for dear life.

But what if their advice is in fact pushing you into the arms of someone much more sinister and devious?

Sapna Magazine published an article in 2007, which like many others, listed clear differences between men who were players and those you could call husband material. By the end of the informative post, I found myself questioning the following traits Kama Pandit had listed that reflected the good guys.

According to Pandit, these were the qualities women should be on the look out for:

• An attentive, sweet and caring man
• Hardworking
• A man who loves the way you think
• A man who holds your hand rather than “grabbing your goodies”
• Buys you dinner, dessert and other treats
• Makes an effort with your family

Sounds pretty legit, right? What if I told you that sociopaths could easily emulate these qualities.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 1% of the U.S. population suffers from this personality disorder. As of 2012, that figure stands at over 3 million Americans. On a global scale, that number is significantly higher.

One recurring quality sociopaths are known to have is a natural charm, which they waste no time in exuding.

Sociopaths can be very romantic, extremely charming and incredibly generous. They will shower their target with attention, flattery and gifts of all kinds – jewellery, clothes, flowers. A sociopath will sweep you off your feet and treat you unlike anyone has ever treated you. He will typically seal the relationship very quickly, often before he discards his current victim. Sociopaths have the ability to gain your affection very quickly and a relationship with a sociopath becomes intense very quickly.

There are other known signs commonly linked to sociopaths. Pathological lying, a smooth talker, overly attentive and shallow emotions are traits that can easily dupe considerate women into a web of deceit and lies.

Sociopaths usually target women are who nurturing and very trusting, kind and caring. Often their targets are women who have morals since it is much easier for a sociopath to ‘con’ a good person than another con artist. They only want to prey on women whom they can take and take from without the person expecting anything in return. They are social predators who target vulnerable women. Sociopaths can quickly determine a person’s weak spots and vulnerabilities and will exploit them throughout the relationship.

Even though failed relationships happen everyday, it isn’t outlandish to rule out the possibility of this condition as I’ve personally learnt. If the majority of the symptoms and characteristics fit the mould of a person you are or have been involved with, there is every chance they suffer from this disorder.

Like my ex-boyfriend who turned out to have much more than a wandering eye. Though he displayed all of Pandit’s “ideal” qualities, upon closer inspection of his behaviour and characteristics, he also possessed the classic traits of a sociopath. There were times in my relationship where I felt as though something didn’t quite add up with my ex. I found it odd that he felt the need to exude his charm and charisma to every girl at work and felt as though his grandiose demeanour conflicted with his insistence that he was very shy and introverted.

The level of manipulation, pathological lies and deceit brings a certain kind of relief that he’s no longer my responsibility. Instead, he’s moved on to his next victim.

Shielding yourselves emotionally from these individuals is vital. Avoid all contact if possible. If this isn’t feasible, keeping conversation to very neutral subjects such as the weather doesn’t give them the personal ammunition they require to exploit and degrade you. Having nothing to offer them will also act as a deterrent as there is no emotional resource they can grasp and manipulate.

Wanting to see and believe the good in people is absolutely normal, but there times where a certain level of awareness for our own emotional safety is imperative. Rather than rely on top tips lifestyle magazines enforce, try paying attention to something much more valuable than the monthly freebies – your instincts.

Admit it. At some point in your life you have absolutely despised another woman. Whether your reasoning was justified or not, you’ve been there and so have I. Female hate can be found almost anywhere. In the media, in our personal lives and professionally.

Whilst reading around the subject, the issue of ‘beauty’ and ‘physical appearance’ cropped up almost instantaneously.

If the women around you think you’re prettier than them, your fate is sealed. The prettier you are, the more threatened the women around you will feel. Your mere presence makes them feel like an ogre standing next to you. If they are single, they will see you as the competition. If they are married, they will see you as the seductive temptress desiring to steal their man away.

Charming, isn’t it? Rather than praise and admire beautiful women, the sight of someone remotely attractive will warrant a flood of hatred. I personally feel that I’m fortunate enough to have drop dead gorgeous friends and would never want to belittle them when it comes to their appearance. I’m all for striking a positive rapport, even with strangers.

Some women on the other hand, are much more reserved. This resentful mentality isn’t a new phenomenon though. Female hatred has been present throughout history and as we have evolved and grown, sadly, so has this mindset. Think back to the days of witch-hunting where women were burned alive and killed because of accusations made by other females.

Artist, Katarina Silva, writes: “Perhaps that fearful era in history, in which envy between women easily led to death, has yet to be fully extricated from society, as females continue to energetically deplete one another, instead of support one another as often as we could be.”

Even in popular culture, Silva points out the tale of Snow White, which centred around her jealous stepmother wishing to be “the fairest of them all.” She is so irked by Snow White’s beauty and charm that she enlists a Huntsman to carve out her heart. Pretty grim if you ask me.

So why do women openly hate on other women so viciously? My theory? They see desirable qualities other women may have that they do not hold. As a natural reaction, they choose to attack.

Harriet Cammock, an on air personality, shares a similar view:

It took me years to understand and see that people judge you based on their own perceived deficiencies. Often there are times their reaction to you has very little to do with your interactions with them, but has everything to do with them and how they see themselves.

There were times where I would feel inadequate and somewhat resentful towards other girls who were quite the extroverts. In the end I realised that I needed to embrace my introverted side more and be comfortable in my own skin. As a result of doing that, I’ve been able to cement a friendship with those girls and there is a mutual respect between us. On the other side of the spectrum, I’ve had girls dislike me too. Whether it’s exposing and purposely chipping away at one of my weaknesses or constantly attempting to get a rise out of me online, they are the ones that need to tackle their own demons and understand that there is an underlying problem they need to address.

Cultural upbringings can also shape the way girls eventually perceive one another, depending on the relationships they are exposed to between females.

Asian mentality whereby some parents use their children as ammunition to assert a certain success and reputation over fellow family members and friends, also plants a seed that will be taken into the wider world and could grow to bear fruits of pride and envy towards others.

Comparisons especially over education and career choices should warrant praise and encouragement, given the fact that women were once confined to the walls of their homes.

Society has been moulded in such a way that competition isn’t surprising between females in both their professional and personal lives. The media also dictates that women should look and be a certain way, which has only added fuel to the fire. What about emulating the work beauty brand Dove does in promoting and building positive self-esteem amongst women?

Female envy will never go away unless women take that step to change and put down those critical defence mechanisms. The likelihood of that happening is questionable, but not impossible. There is no doubt that women are powerful creatures. We’ve seen how damaging they can be when pitted against one another. Imagine how potent they’d be standing side by side?

Illustration by: Laurine Tellier, Deviantart